Giving yourself permission
If you know me in my personal life, you know that I love hula hooping, and that on sunny days I will bring my music and my hoop and dance outside in parks, by myself.
I’ve been thinking a lot about why I love that specifically more than dancing alone in my room, for example.
Or dancing at a festival with other people.
(Both of which I ALSO love, by the way.)
The thing about going out alone in public spaces and being kind of a weirdo in society’s eyes, is that I feel a kind of freedom that I can only feel,
When I give MYSELF permission to do something,
Just because I want to.
Without a reason to, without an explanation, just “I want to”,
And letting myself do it, even when it’s scary.
Which is not how I spent most of my life.
I always felt like I needed a “good reason” to take up space or be in public areas on my own:
Like if I was at a restaurant I for sure needed a friend to be there too, or at least a book. No way would I eat alone.
Or if I was at a party, I for sure needed to know people, or at least have something to do, like smoke a cigarette. No way would I go alone.
Or even with posting a selfie on social media, I for sure needed to have an inspirational quote to go with it. No way could I just WANT to because I wanted to.
The problem with that isn’t really that I missed out on tasty meals, parties and cute selfies because the books, friends and quotes weren’t always available,
It’s that I missed out on ME.
I was worried that other people would reject me, or yell at me, or think I was strange,
Not realizing that
I was the one rejecting me, stifling me, not allowing my authentic self - strangeness and all - to be.
It took me years of self-hatred and rejection before I decided that I’m done with that.
Done with being small.
Done with being “a nice girl”.
Now I just want to love myself.
Which means that I am willing to create space for myself to do what I want,
Which means that I’m also willing to experience the fear and discomfort that brings up.
All parts of me are welcome.
And here’s the thing:
This change can’t happen when we wait for people, things and arbitrary dates to start doing things.
We have to start the only moment we have - NOW.
Right at this moment.
Why? Because we all deserve the best; we deserve OURSELVES.
Alana
PS: Forget gift cards and Amazon deliveries, the greatest gift you can give yourself is a relationship with yourself. This is really the key to living the life you want to live, whether it’s learning to stop overusing social media, or waking up at the time you want, or learning to stop procrastinating so you can get things done and enjoy your free time. If you’ve been wanting to work with me, what are you waiting for? The “new year”? The “right time”? What if you just gave yourself permission to sign up for a consult now?
PPS: If you’re interested in seeing my hooping weirdness in action, as well as time management tips, follow me on Instagram @alanamoves.