Happy (?) Holidays

Merry Christmas Eve (or Happy Holidays if you don't celebrate Christmas :))

This will be the first Christmas that I spend actually alone.

On the one hand, I’m happy with this decision because I want to keep myself and my family safe,

On the other… it’s just sad.

I’m sad thinking of my parents wanting to see me,

I’m sad thinking I won’t see my sister,

I’m sad for me being lonely,

I’m sad I won’t be able to hug any of them,

I’m even sad I won’t be able to get into fights about silly things with them.

I know these are all thoughts and I could change them if I wanted to,

But the truth is, I don’t want to:

I want to be sad.

Because that is what feels like the truest thing for me right now.

It hurts, but it’s a clean pain, a pain that is authentic and aligned with who I am.

If you are in a similar situation,

I want to say: I see you and I love you.

It’s ok to feel sad, or lonely, or angry, or frustrated,

Or WHATEVER is true for you right now.

You are a human with feelings,

And maybe right now,

The kindest thing you can do for yourself,

Is sit with yourself and allow those feelings exist inside you.

When you do that, you might realize that you have so much more space inside yourself that you knew,

Space to hold those emotions,

But also space for compassion and love for yourself experiencing them,

And maybe even space for gratitude and joy, even while you feel those negative feelings.

Don't forget that you are beautiful, amazing, strong, resilient, kind, loving, smart, wonderful. You have so much magic inside you and so much space for all of it.

Have a Merry Christmas, Beauty.

All my love,

Alana