People Pleasing

Here’s something I want to be vulnerable with because it’s a quality that I really don’t love about myself,

And it’s been an important part of my work to share authentically my experiences,

To show that no matter where you are at,

You’re exactly where you are supposed to be,

And change is always possible,

When you understand and have compassion for why you are the way you are are.

So here it is:

It’s my people-pleasing tendencies.

Last week I had a conversation with a friend and they said something, and I felt embarrassed.

(And what I mean by that is that they said some neutral words which my brain interpreted as “oh no, this is embarrassing, they must think I’m so stupid”, and that’s what caused my embarrassment).

Anyways this feeling of embarrassment came up,

And what I’ve been learning is THAT one of the ways I deal with negative emotions involving other people is to people-please.

So when they asked me for something, I said yes, even though it didn’t align truly with what I wanted.

I always thought that being a people-pleaser was just “part of who I was”,

But what I’ve found out is that it’s really just:

The strategy I used to avoid my feelings.

The strategy I use to avoid feeling uncomfortable that people don’t like me.

Learning this is amazing news!

Because thinking about changing WHO you are (“I’m a people pleaser”) seems overwhelming or impossible,

But changing a strategy is just a matter of choice and practice.

The bad news is the alternate strategy is…feeling terrible.

I’m using the strategy to avoid feeling terrible, but using the strategy also feels terrible.

If I’m going to feel terrible either way, I might as well feel terrible while being honest with myself.

I was feeling embarrassed, and I didn’t want to feel that or have the person think negatively of me, so I opted for people-pleasing.

Instead I could have allowed my friend to think what they wanted, I could have allowed my embarrassment to be there, I could have just sat with the feelings.

So if you are a people-pleaser, or a recovering people-pleaser like me, and learning how to manage that, here’s what I have for you:

First of all, recognize that the people-pleasing is coming from a negative emotion. Can you get clear on what emotion that is?

And then, what is it that you actually want to do? Even if you don’t actually do it, first just recognizing what you would want to do and acknowledge that can start building ta relationship of honesty with yourself.

Anyways, I HOPE YOU LIKED THIS POST!! :P

As always, I’m here if you need me xx