Why it’s hard to go after the things you want

Hello World,

Deep down, we all have something we want.

Even if we can’t clearly explain what it is,

Even if we can only define it by what it is we DON’T want,

There’s something we want.

For me, I always knew that I wanted to help people, and I wanted to feel like I was living up to my potential, or at least trying to.

I didn’t know what exactly that looked like, I only knew that it wasn’t THIS. This current life that I was living.

Sometimes that realization would come to me, and it would be TERRIFYING.

Because these thoughts would come up…

…I don’t know what to do instead…

…I don’t even know where to start…

…There’s too much to do…

…This might be all I’m capable of…

…I don’t deserve it…

So I reacted the only way I knew how to keep myself safe:

(1) I convinced myself my situation wasn’t THAT bad, maybe it was even kind of good?

Gratitude and acceptance are beautiful things, when they are authentic. But this is not where I was coming from - It was more of a panicked or appeasing voice.

(2) I avoided looking at my situation altogether.

My avoiders of choice: Netlfix, IG, trying to find fulfillment in relationships instead, over-partying, …

All this so I didn’t have to look at my situation clearly,

because I didn’t want to feel bad.

But guess what,

I felt bad anyways.

Because I always knew I was lying to myself,

And the life I was creating from the avoidance didn’t look anything like the life I actually wanted.

So this is what I did,

I told myself the truth.

And because I was able to say it out loud, I was able to see that so many of these thoughts there were keeping me stuck were actually kind of illogical.

I cleaned up my thinking.

I cleaned up the parts of my life that weren’t serving me.

And because I was able to be honest with myself, I was also able to open up to the amazing parts of my life too.

I was able to allow myself to feel fear, disappointment, confusion, overwhelm - but also compassion and understanding.

And from that place, I was able to make the changes I need to create a life that I love.

If any of this is resonating with you, I get how scary it is to be in this place, but you know what?

You deserve it.

You deserve the best version of you,

trying, failing, growing, learning, evolving,

living the life you want.

You so deserve it.

And it’s possible.

And if you need help, I’m here.