Worrying About What Other People Think

Many of us prevent ourselves from doing things because we worry about what other people will think of us. I can definitely include myself in this group.

And, as if the discomfort of the fear wasn’t bad enough, we sometimes also also layer self-judgement on top of it: “Why do I still care about what people think?”, “I know I shouldn’t worry, but I do, what’s wrong with me?”

What’s wrong with you is… you have a human brain.

We have evolved to seek other approval from others, because back in caveman days, rejection from the tribe meant certain death.

Our environment has changed and we are mostly safe from predators, but we still carry that same primitive brain wired for survival. We feel like we will die if we are not accepted by our tribe because we literally would have died if we weren’t back in the day.

So it makes sense that rejection is so painful (who wants to feel like they are going to die?).

But here’s the thing. We also now have our pre-frontal cortex, the part of our brain that can make rational decisions and visualize our goals and dreams.

The fear of rejection will always be there, and that’s ok. We think we need the fear to stop before we do things, but the truth is, we don’t. We can access our pre-frontal cortex and actively choose to allow fear and still do the things we want to do.

We can make space for ourselves and say, “Thank you for trying to keep me safe, Primitive Brain, but we are going to do the thing. I know you’re afraid, but I will take care of us. I’ve got us.” 

And the more you practice accepting your primitive brain, the more compassion and love you create for yourself. The more you practice accessing your pre-frontal cortex, the more you create the life you want.

I used to only be able to dance when I was wasted. Now sober I’ve used this technique to dance with my hoop in public. And then do street performance with my hoop. And then dance in public alone with no hoop.

Do people think I’m weird? Probably, I’m dancing alone in a park, haha. Do I still feel scared? 100%. I will always have a human brain. But it’s ok, I’ve gotten good at doing things I want to do while being afraid.

What if you started by accepting that it’s ok that you fear rejection? And then, what if you thought of feeling fear as a skill rather than an obstacle to overcome before starting things?

Practicing compassion and allowing feelings can be difficult sometimes. If this is something you struggle with, I can help.